Ребенок – маленькая личность
Воспитание ребенка – непростая задача для каждого родителя. Наверное, главное здесь – это единство мнений людей, участвующих в воспитании: мамы и папы, бабушки, дедушки и так далее. Конечно, эти мнения могут быть разными, но все спорные вопросы необходимо обсуждать без ребенка. Должна быть выработана единая "политика воспитания", которую в дальнейшем соблюдать обязаны все.
Говорят, что ребенка воспитывают до двух лет. До пяти можно перевоспитать. Дальше уже ничего изменить нельзя. Можно подавить, можно наказать, но изменить эту личность вы уже не сможете. Только в более взрослом возрасте ваш ребенок сможет самостоятельно менять себя, если почувствует в этом необходимость. Поэтому главный возраст – с рождения и до двух лет.
Но многие считают, что в это время воспитывать еще рано, "он еще ничего не понимает, подрастет, тогда можно будет объяснить". Это ошибка. Когда "потом" вы постараетесь что-то объяснить, перед вами будет уже не "чистый лист", а настоящая личность. Маленькая, но уже со своим характером, со своим видением мира и, между прочим, со своими методами управления этим миром.
Все родители хотят своим детям только хорошего, но мало кто задумывается о том, ЗАЧЕМ мы воспитываем детей, ЧТО мы должны им дать, и какова же наша роль в их жизни? Вы хотите воспитать гения? Или может просто хорошего человека? Насколько адаптирован будет ваш ребенок к социуму? Или может это вообще не нужно? Будете ли вы передавать ему религиозные взгляды распространенного у нас христианства? Или, возможно, другой религии? Может, вы изначально видите его музыкантом? Или певицей?
Мое мнение – решать не вам. Только что рожденный ребенок – это уже личность, это уже человек. А человек, как известно, рождается свободным, наделенным правом выбора. И самая большая ошибка родителей – это то, что "воспитывая", мы очень часто забираем у наших детей главное – право выбора. На мой взгляд, родители для своих детей должны сделать только одно – помочь им найти себя в этом мире. Мы же, "желая лучшего", по сути, навязываем детям свое видение мира, которое может совсем им не подходить. Вместо того, чтобы взять ребенка за руку и повести его туда, куда он хочет, мы тянем его туда, куда хотим сами.
Не надо утрировать и доводить мои слова до маразма. Пальцы в розетку совать нельзя, и даже если ребенок этого хочет, понятно, что никто ему этого не разрешит. А вот КАК вы это сделаете – вопрос. Можно постоянно говорить ребенку "нельзя", "не трогай", а можно закрыть доступные розетки специальными заглушками. В первом случае вы дали ребенку выбор (сунуть палец в розетку или не сунуть), но при этом запретили ему этот выбор делать. Во втором случае вы ни никому ничего не запрещаете – выбора просто нет.
Всем наверняка известно, что еще до того, как ребенок начнет ползать необходимо подготовить к этому дом: убрать бьющиеся вещи, зафиксировать дверцы шкафов и ящики и т.д. Главная цель такой подготовки – обезопасить ребенка. Но не только. Когда ваш дом "подготовлен", у вас нет необходимости постоянно ограничивать свободу выбора ребенка – вы же подготовились и уверены, что он ничего не разобьет, не перекинет на себя, не доберется до ножей или лекарств.
То же самое касается игрушек: ребенок сам должен сделать выбор. Не надо ребенку навязывать то, что нравится вам. Моя дочка полностью игнорировала кукол лет до шести, но с удовольствием играла машинками. Ну и что? Когда я покупала ей машинки, мне говорили "Ты что, у тебя же девочка!". Да, девочка. Девочка, которая играет машинками. У нее были куклы, но она их не брала. Мне даже предлагали спрятать машинки: тогда она будет играть куклами. А зачем? Теперь ей уже 7 лет, мы вместе шьем куклам платья, и она больше не интересуется машинками.
Когда вы ограничиваете ребенка, он растет неуверенным в себе, не умеющим самостоятельно принимать решения и нести за них ответственность.
Кстати, приведу только один пример по воспитанию ответственности именно в раннем возрасте. Ребенок бежал, споткнулся о стульчик, упал, плачет. Что делают очень многие? Жалея ребенка, говорят: "Давай поругаем стульчик. Ну-ну-ну обижать нашу детку". Вот что вы этим сделали? Успокоили ребенка? С одной стороны да, а с другой – вы показали ему, что в его бедах виноват не он, а стульчик. Вы воспитываете в ребенке привычку снимать с себя ответственность за происходящее. Когда он станет взрослым, но скажет: "Дрова намокли из-за того, что дождь пошел". Да нет, дрова намокли из-за того, что ты их вовремя в сарай не отнес. Но объяснить этого вы уже не сможете – вы сами еще в раннем детстве научили ребенка везде искать виноватого, снимая ответственность с себя.
Ребенок – это не ваша собственность, он не принадлежит вам. Ребенок – это маленькая свободная личность. Между прочим, равная вам. Вы просто взрослее ребенка, и не более того. Вы добровольно взяли на себя обязанности ухаживать за ребенком, но это не значит, что теперь вам позволено и принимать за него решения.
Человека отличает от животного присущее только ему право выбора. Если вы забираете это право у своего ребенка, то, простите, у меня возникает вопрос: вы вообще кого воспитываете?
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